Tied 'N' Teased, March 2003, Issue 44

I am the Marquise, a Fem Dom "lifestyler". By choice and passion, I enjoy owning males as slaves. This way of life is more who I am rather than something I do, although I find plenty of opportunity to exercise my desires which I will tell you about in future editions of Tied’N’Teased. I want to make a small contribution through these pages to improve the lot of those who, by natural inclination, are irresistibly drawn to Female Domination. The contents of this column are my ideas and beliefs about the Femdom lifestyle and are not necessarily representative of those of the publishers or the editor.

It must also be recognised that Female Domination forms part of a broader panoply of emotional and sexual responses known as Bondage & Domination/Sado Masochism or BDSM for short. Some individuals have a choice about being in the scene. They came across it, and enjoy it for one reason or another. They may well find something else of interest and move on or stay with their original level of commitment. There is nothing wrong in this. However, for me and others who live this life, BDSM is not so much a choice; it is part of the structure of who we are, a lifestyle, even though we have many other interests and passions in our lives. We can, and sometimes must, choose to live without it, but we can never stop wanting it, nor ever be truly fulfilled in our lives without it.

There is no one definition of what this lifestyle represents; each facet is a separate yet connected entity. The foundation for a BDSM relationship is the one characteristic they all have in common and that is the concept of "Safe, Sane and Consensual". This motto is observed in every responsible BDSM relationship.

BDSM is considered a sexual aberration by society in general despite its greater mainstream acceptance in the last few years. It is still a subculture driven underground by society's ignorance and fear. Many readers, who are just beginning to explore their lifelong desires to submit to a female, will feel fear, and a sense of shame at the part of themselves that they are expressing. I should, above all, like to assure you that there is nothing whatsoever to feel ashamed about. Male submission is for me, a noble and attractive instinct in men, which is all too frequently denied and suppressed out of false shame.
This magazine that you are holding in your hand could be the key to a far better way of life. Before the emergence of magazines such as this, how could one meet others? This publication will give you access to people with similar interests and desires. Just to know that there are "others like me out there" should prove a source of inspiration for many people.

Much suffering results from having to be in the closet about our proclivities. People should not have to hide their true selves, lie to their friends, family, and sometimes even themselves. That situation means that one is unable to connect with the potential life partner, maybe one's neighbour, because neither is able to be public about what they are looking for. I believe that there are many people who need BDSM in their lives, but have perhaps married vanilla spouses because they did not admit their need to themselves, or thought they could make it go away, or simply did not know how to find a partner who would love them for who they are. After years of marriage, with children, they have a choice between living with the longing, breaking up their families, or facing the guilt and stress of being unfaithful to their spouses.

None of that suffering would have been necessary if there had been social acceptance of BDSM, as a core component of relationships, so that individuals did not have artificially to repress their desires.
I come out to friends on a need to know basis. I have a website that talks fairly candidly about who I am and what I do. Writing for Tied’N’Teased will allow me another outlet to give more positive exposure for BDSM. Whether or not we gain full acceptance for our world, we can project a united front by supporting those we get to know in the BDSM community. Perhaps one wonderful day we can be who we are without fear of punishment or censure.

To all types of people in the diverse world of bdsm, please have the confidence to know that what you are is authentic, and legitimate. If your interest didn't serve some purpose in your life, you wouldn't be questioning, reviewing, or examining the implications, or pleasuring yourself over this magazine! The more honest and accurate your thinking during this adventure, and the more you open up to pleasure, the more rewarding the results will be. I would love to learn more about your journey and I look forward to hearing from you. Welcome to my world, welcome to Martopia!

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