I have been Dominant as far back as I can remember. My very first fantasy was that I was an Arabian Desert Queen living under the sand. As men walked above My palace they dropped through the ground destined to become My slaves. This was always a position they came to enjoy and need. I frequently dressed boys up in My clothes and always loved games where I played someone in a position of authority and where bondage was involved. I was adventurous, extrovert and inquisitive. Although feminine in appearance, and interested in some female activities, I was often characterised as a tomboy. I usually ended up playing games such as cars or climbing trees.

I never had a problem finding boys with which to play. In fact, then as now, it was they who came to Me. I started reading pornographic magazines at a very young age. It was in one of these that I read a story about a boy who goes to stay with his imperious aunt. She visited him in his bed at night and caned him, but afterwards tenderly spread lotion on his burning cheeks. That combination of pain and pleasure is key to My sexuality and has been the hallmark of My style and ethos ever since. It was far more to My taste than the straight top shelf magazines I had been reading. I am forever grateful to whoever slipped that fetishistic tale into the usual unimaginative fare! Historical books could also contain an SM scenario. The thought of a man submitting that much to a Woman, in accounts such as those of Roman slavery, really appealed to Me.

Fetish clubs were entered into My late 20's. I loved the elegance and Femdom seemed a logical extension of My development. I enjoyed the definitions, roles and friendliness of the people I encountered. Before this, I spent a lot of time suppressing who I was under the auspices of religious dictates and later Feminist orthodoxy. These raised doubts as to the viability of My sexuality. Aristotle stated that the purpose of art was "to evoke pity and terror." I now revel in practising the art of Fem Dom.

Continuing in the scene through My early thirties, I felt that something was lacking in the mere enactment of a man being My slave but accepted this scenario, believing that 24/7 or total power exchange to be unworkable in reality. However, I owned a collared slave for four years and so My main BDSM interest is now the Mistress/slave relationship, involving the transfer, not just of power but also authority.

I continue to be interested in Bondage and Discipline as tools for reinforcing and deepening M/s, and in the application of methods and rituals to enhance the sense of ownership of My slave but My emphasis has shifted.

I am no longer interested with superficial, external methods of control, rather I attempt to achieve a deeper understanding of a slave's thoughts and emotions. With patience, a submissive's mind and heart can then be enslaved and possessed if such be the relationship they seek.

The manners and acceptable behaviours for submissives are a relatively simple matter of training. But neither of these mean that the submissive has truly surrendered personal power of any significance. A sub may kneel to greet Me as instructed, thinking, "I'll kneel and call her Mistress then she will fulfil My fetish." Whether this is seen as manipulation, self-centeredness or simply the only realistic way BDSM can be, if you believe the submissive in reality runs the scene, depends on your perspective. It is common-enough phenomenon, but in a 24/7 D/s relationship, it is wholly inappropriate and not inevitable.

Anyone can "bottom," that is, play a sexually submissive role during a scene, sometimes to someone they have only just met. Nothing wrong with this of course, but not where My interests lie. The internal style of enslavement is the relationship that gave me a deep sense of satisfaction and fulfilment. I enjoyed having a slave who was committed to the wider welfare of his Mistress to perform even the most mundane of duties. His thought processes no longer revolved around the personal pronouns "I" and "me." Motivation had shifted from self-gratification to deriving joy from pleasing Me, with no thoughts of receiving anything in return, save My approval. The idea of displeasing Me caused him far more anguish than any physical punishment ever could. The relationship was symbiotic. My loving him did not detract from the process or authenticity of the roles, in fact it made me expect more of him.

The vast majority of submissives have no desire for this kind of commitment or find themselves unable to achieve it if they were to attempt it. Everyone to their own of course, there is nothing here to imply that I had a superior relationship to others, simply one which was distinctly different to any previous experience in bdsm.

I have no desire to top a bottom, I always got very little out of that. Owning someone is the greatest responsibility that I know of and has been the most fulfilling and enriching experience of My life. Only being a parent, which I am not, and have no desire to be, could compare to it. It requires me to continue to learn and grow, and constantly be one step ahead.

I am a dominant by nature, but that does not cause me to seek to be in charge of everything. It has nothing to do with being a bully. It's not all centred on sex either, it revolves around energy exchange and I am becoming increasingly interested in the links with spirituality. It's not about demanding my way all the time, that's an indication of insecurity. However, I am not interested in submissives who have many conditions.

Currently, my understanding of Dominance is about providing the focus so that others meet my requirements. There is a qualitative difference between "submission" and "surrender." Surrender is something that takes place in the heart and the mind, not under the sting of a whip. I am not interested in bdsm as an elaborate game. I live this for real, the rest is history and for some of you who are fortunate it is part of your history too...

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