Tied 'N' Teased, July 2003, Issue 46

The Marquise - Q & A

What's the worst thing you've ever done to one of your subjects?

Depriving them of my presence!

Curiosity and prurient interest prompts this question. It's a negative way to view my position as if the person asking believes bdsm is about harming people. It is not a very constructive way to start talking to me. Indeed, if I had harmed anyone in such a way to leave an injury that was more than 'trifling and transient' I would have broken the law.
The question is very subjective, what might seem like an immense ordeal to one could be a daily activity for another. For example, I made a QPR supporter wear an Arsenal shirt. It was however not on the QPR stand! Even so, this was harder for him as a masochist than a heavy beating would have been.
Many of my scenes have been private so I am not about to broadcast the gory details! Any submissive I have dealt with will have their personal best or worst moments!

How can I join your stable of slaves?

The question presumes I have a stable! If you are answering my ad, read the slave specification. Address yourself to those criteria. Impress me with your intelligence, humility and our mutual interests in and out of the scene.
I am not impossible to please although neither am I easy. I expect obedience, respect, honesty and loyalty. So it definitely doesn't work for me if you are wanting to keep our relationship from a significant other.
Don't tell me that you're the slave I have been looking for. I will be the judge of that! Having told me you don't have any limits, or fetishes you wish me to fulfil, it is futile to then go on to describe a scenario containing all of your personal wish list. Effectively you are saying that if I fulfil your fantasies you will be able to demonstrate what a perfect slave you are.

Do you switch?

No. It holds no appeal for me. When I sought advice for my burgeoning desires in the form of the 'Leatherman's Handbook', it told me that to become a good top I must be a bottom first. No doubt reasonable enough advice but I can remember thinking 'fuck off' to that! It wasn't advice I followed. I have never been anyone's submissive and did not become dominant through a period of apprenticeship.
I see my being a dominant as a vocation, I am born to rule. My torso is strong, my tastes are refined, and my ability to command and give direction is natural and beyond any doubt.
A Dominant doesnt have to experience submission to understand it. I don't however look down on switches, submissives or any other combination people care to identify as or experiment with. There should be no hierarchy in these matters. What role fulfils you is the correct one.

Do you think you take it all too seriously?

Probably. I am a serious person and am passionate about anything I feel strongly about. This is not a game for me. However, I never let my ego get so close to my position that were my position to go, my sense of identity would go with it.
Call it selfish, but part of what makes me effective as a dominant, is the appearance and reality of the force of will necessary to get things done my way.
I base decisions on what I know at the time. Subsequent events may prove me wrong (such as people I am dealing with being unstable/liars or both), and if that happens so be it. To make no choice is in itself a decision, so there is no abrogation of responsibility no matter what position I do or do not take.
Now I'd like to be infallible, and there is an emotional cost when I fail, especially when someone else suffers too, but my ego is not damaged, because I acted in good faith. I make the effort to think through possibilities, anticipate results and act for the good of my submissive so I can live with myself and both believe in and relish my innate dominance.

Are you the victim of childhood trauma and are now reliving your abuse?

I have no desire to discuss my upbringing. However, I have met many people on the scene who I am convinced have not experienced unstable childhoods, or any significant event in their past that would directly link to their tastes as adults. In any group of people there will be a proportion with an unhappy beginning. No research has ever proved that bdsm people have any different backgrounds than the rest of the population. What little tests have been done have only come up with the conclusion that the one thing that bdsm participants have in common is their high standard of living, social status, and education. 90% were perfectly happy with their sexual preferences, with their biggest burden being the social stigma attached to these acts.
These desires were part of me from a very early age. I do not believe them to be the result of, or have any bearing on my family of origin.

How can you call yourself a lifestyle Domina if you are not controlling someone all the time?

I know the popular notion of a dominatrix is the bitch in boots stereotype. But the dominant who is spoilt and difficult, even to people who have not given their consent to this treatment, merely betrays insecurity or an inability to separate fantasy from reality. There is a fine line between being dominant and a control-freak. Beautifully mannered control and intimidation of a consenting submissive is my style. Unfortunately, some have mistaken my kindness for weakness. There is strength in rising above others' petiness, andnot responding in kind. My dominance has alot to do with my personal conduct, and far less to do with whether or not I am wearing thigh boots!

top of Page